BOYS!!!! why does it have to be so complicated!!??

I don't even know why i'm pissed off but i am!! i somehow acquired this new friend with benefits-so we r sleeping together but aren't technically in a relationship....it was working but he kinda wants 2 b in a relationship and i kinda don't. its so complicated cos now i'm starting to have feelings for him. and that only leads to more complications because the people i care about generally see my absolute worst side!! he's away in cairns at the moment and i'm totally pissed off at him for some unknown reason. GRRR. i think i'm more annoyed at myself then at him. and i probably just miss him. i cant see myself ever figuring out this whole relationship thing.

Hairbrush

This is a cute little hairbrush... it has a rabbit on the handle and when u shake it it has a bell inside it. when i was a little kid (like 4 or 5) we had a next door neighbour called uncle harry. and he always used to give me and my brothers presents, he was reallyt nice! i remember him really well...and he gave me this hairbrush. he died when i was about 6 which was really sad. he was like a grandfather. his wife still lives next door to my family, she's getting quite old actually, and dies her hair various shades of purple. why i have no idea. it's like on old lady trend. i have no clue where it came from...i hope that when i'm a cute old lady i wont die my hair purple.

Joke

I'm not sure why this is in the box.. i think its there cos it represents my sense of humor. if u cant read the caption it says "pulling a face". ha!! i still find it funny. i got it from (randomly) my year 10 work experience in speech pathology. it also reminds me of my friends...they have really terrible senses of humor and they'll make a joke out of anything. i love them! they have a 'dad' sense of humor...its pretty funny so yeah...anyway...

bottle cap

This is a random thing to keep. i know. this is the cap off the first beer i ever drank. and its not even real beer!! its light beer! ahh good times. ive never been much of a drinker. i've never been drunk. i like wine. i like champagne. i HATE beer. i pretended to like it for a little while, but yeah, i hate it. i find it really sad how people expect guys to like beer. i live in australia, and i guess its the same everywhere, but guys drink beer-its like expected. and heaps of guys drink it UNTIL they like it. strange. once i was drinking white wine, and it was really fruity tasting so i drank like 2 and 1/2 glasses (which for someone who doesnt drink makes your head spin!) it was the strangest feeling. i just got really quiet (my friends were there) so they wouldnt notice, but yeah it felt really strange. 

high school photo

i kept my high school photo. u kinda have to. its one of those essential memories i guess. i went to a really small private christian school. i loved it. it was all i really knew, i did kindergarten to year 12 in that school. yup, small town girl-same school and same house for my entire childhood. it was great. i'm not really a fan of change. i really dont miss school though. school is where i lived out those awkward years. puberty, adolescence, whatever u want to call it, everyone has that growing up stage. where u u dont really fit in and all parts of your body start growing at different rates. u get pimples u get underarm hair (and other places) and u get breasts. boys suddenly become the centre of your life and being popular is everything. i guess i didn't like growing up because it involved a lot of change. I HATE CHANGE. it unnerves me. i fell in love in high school and never really got over it, in fact i still feel exactly the same about one stupid guy! it's been about 4 years and i'm still no where near getting over him. but at the same time i don't really want to get over him. the truth is i love him. and i dont care if he never knows..actually thats a lie. i'd want him to know after i died. then i would never have to face him. ANYWAY it doesnt really matter. i will get over it eventually. i just hope it doesn't wreck future relationships-its what broke me and my boyfriend up earlier this year...how do you get over someone if you don't want to???

cloth

This piece of cloth takes up HEAPS of room in my box. its crazy but i love it. i got it in thailand about 4 years ago when i went on a mission trip there. These beautiful ladies in the hill tribes weave these with these tricky loom things. it was so amazing to watch, and i know it doesnt look that special in the photo-but to know that it was handmade...well its just so cool! Being in the hill tribes was such an amazing experience for me. it was first time out of australia for a start, but the culture shock was huge! They actually killed a chicken for us for dinner, and plucked it like right outside our window! my vegetarian friend freaked out! In keeping with tradition technically i can't wear this cloth till im married. so it's tucked away in my box, and then when i eventually get married i can make it into a skirt and wear it. Traditionally the unmarried women wear white. i guess it is important to me because it represents a world that is totally different than my own. over there the girls get married at like 13-14 years of age! crazy. its just so different and so simple. oh yeah, and the babies don't wear nappies. 

Memory Box

This inconspicuous looking box is my memory box... its where i keep special things (and random things). i thought i'd like show u things from the box and i hope that will help u get to know me... it's pretty random but if my house was on fire, this would be the first thing i'd grab (aside from pets!)

my parents came to visit yesterday, it was weird cos i cleaned the house so it was like spotless... i dont know why, i guess i still need them to say 'good job' once in a while. anyway, they hardly even noticed! and i was really disappointed. oh well. i love my parents and i guess i still need their compliments! 

it's funny cos i'm only 19 but i'm watching myself get older, dammit i'm turning into my mother!! its ok, i dont mind. i'm renting a house close to my uni with a friend, and i'm finding that im turning into a clean freak! its crazy, cos my housemate is NOT clean at all so it rwally bugs me. i havent said anything though, i have this thing where i dont like confrontation... probably a downfall-i dont wanna be a doormat. i went to my cousin's wedding last night. it was pretty fun. i like weddings. i cant help thinking "thank God this isnt my wedding" cos i cant help thinking how much stress and organizing would go into that ONE day. i think that if i ever get married it will be a very small and informal affair. 

This is annie. i just bought her yesterday. 

I think she's called a 'calla lily'. 

i know she's supposed to be a funeral flower

and a weed. but this is my favourite flower, hence why i bought her

This is Evie, she's a dendrobium orchid... i got her for my 18th birthday, i just love her!! she's actually nearly ready to flower again...

well it's thursday and i have an assignment due tomorrow...have i started it? nooo... i have to say i'm probably the world's best procrastinator. It's not that i don't like the course i'm doing (i'm studying psychology) it's just that i'm lazy. yup, plain old lazy. anyway. i've just started reading pride and prejudice. its actually pretty good, ive never read a jane austen book before but i thought u know, hey, now is as good a time as any. u know what i get really annoyed at? buying water. i forgot my water bottle today at uni, and because i drink like 4 litres of water a day i had to BUY water. i hate paying $2.40 for something i can get straight out of the tap at home for virtually nothing! grr. oh well. Last night i watched a movie called "Crush". it was so sad! i cried so much! and i havent cried in a movie for ages. i think i'm just a little depressed. just a little. I had a boyfriend earlier this year but i broke up with him after 5 months. i dont regret breaking up with him, its just that i get pretty lonely sometimes. i dont make friends easy. 

the beginning (of this blog anyway)

well this is it... my first blog. i don't really know what to say... my life is very complicated and i guess i just want to make sense of it all so here is my outlet!